


It is Better to Have Loved and Lost, Than to Have Never Loved At All

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Not-Quite-A-Warlock [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Immortal Alec Lightwood, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 04:00:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14729544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: In which Alec has a heart to heart, and makes a promise.





	It is Better to Have Loved and Lost, Than to Have Never Loved At All

**Author's Note:**

> My muse, who has been on sporadic holiday for literally two years, has decided that she's a slut for Shadowhunters, Malec in particular, and is like 'hey, uhm, I know I've not really been here for you, but... uhm, MALEC!!!!' and I'm like 'omfg yes.'

After the terror that is waking up in a cave thousands of miles from home, learning a new language is easy. Of course, he’s helped along by Asmodeus, who has taken to dropping by at infrequent intervals to glare at him, chat fondly with Alec’s rescuer, and then vanish. But whenever Asmodeus pops in, he hits Alec with a golden light, and Alec learns just a little bit more, and just a little bit more, and just a little bit more until he understands.

“Father, you can stop glaring at him. I doubt he even knows _when_ he is, let alone _where.”_ His rescuer is saying, and for the first time, Alec understands everything she says.

“Can a father not be protective of his daughter when she grows too old to no longer need him?” Asmodeus asks, a fond look in his eyes, Alec’s rescuer rolls her eyes, but there’s a pleased smile on her face.

“I’ll always love you, father. But I can most definitely take care of myself, thank you very much.” She tells him, turning to Alec, her smile as radiant as the sun. “You can understand?” she asks, and Alec nods.

“Yes.”

“Good, it is about time. My name is Heta, and I understand you’ve met my father already?” she says, Alec nods.

“We’ve met, briefly.” He answers, resisting the urge to glare back at Asmodeus, who frowns at him.

“I see, it appears you are your own worst enemy, father. You sent him here.” Heta says, smirking at Asmodeus. “I did say the magic on him felt like you.”

“Yes, so you did.” Asmodeus replies, sending one last glare at Alec, before turning, kissing Heta on the cheek, and disappearing.

“Does he always do that?”

“Yes.” Heta replies with a little sigh. “He’s not really supposed to see me, you understand? His place is in heaven, and he shouldn’t be leaving it to deal with his bastard Nephilim.” The moment the words are out of her mouth, Alec stares at her wide eyed, and she frowns at him. “What?”

“You’re Nephilim?”

“Of course, what did you think I was?”

“I’m… I was… Nephilim, before.” Alec replies, looking away. “Not that it matters, now.” He answers, remembering at the last moment, not to tell her about Magnus, about Asmodeus falling, because it’s clear that he’s _not_ in his time, or at the very least, not in his reality. “It doesn’t matter.”

And so, they stop talking about it.

* * *

“You’re going to freeze to death or die of starvation without me.” Heta exclaims, exasperated after yet another failed hunt on Alec’s part, Alec grins at her sheepishly and she laughs.

“Come on, then. I suppose I should teach you how to survive when I’m gone.”

“Gone? Aren’t you… aren’t you immortal?” Alec asks, Heta pauses, turns to him, a strange look in her eyes.

“Were you immortal before you came here?”

“No, but I figured…” he trails off, uncertain if he should mention Magnus, and all that would have to come from that conversation.

“No, I’m not immortal. One day, not so long into the future, I will pass, and where I will go afterwards, well, even my father doesn’t know.” Heta answers, shrugging her shoulders. “Now, come on, it’s time you learn how to hunt, we’ll cover making your own weapons later.”

“Alright.”

* * *

Alec wakes late one morning about a hundred and fifty years after his arrival, to find Heta sat out in the sun, crying into her hands, he sits beside her, pulls her into his arms and holds her tight, he doesn’t know what’s wrong, but he figures she could use a little comfort right now.

“My father has fallen.” She says, before she bursts into tears anew, Alec doesn’t know what to tell her, so he just holds her, and rocks her side to side until sleep claims her.

* * *

It’s three hundred years since Alec appeared in Heta’s cave when he finally, finally talks about Magnus.

“I know your brother.” He says, and she pauses, turns to look at him, head cocked to the side in curiosity. “He’s, wow, thousands and thousands of years in the future, but I know him… knew him. Loved him... _love him_.”he says, voice breaking on the last words.

“Your soulmate?” Heta asks, coming to sit down beside him, he frowns.

“No, yes, I don’t know. My soul was already bound to another, in ritual, we were to lay our lives down for each other, if it came to it, but… ever since I met your brother, I would have done anything for him. I _did.”_

“He must be special, I _hope_ he’s special, I hope he’s there waiting for you when you finally traipse back to your time. If he’s not, I’ll make father swear an oath to hound him about it, Alexander.” Heta says, smiling, Alec laughs, and rubs tears from his eyes, Heta is so much like Magnus in that one respect, she gets to call him by his full name and it doesn’t make his skin crawl.

“He’ll be there. We always find our way back to each other, so one way or another, he’ll be there.”

“Good. Now tell me about him.”

“His name is Magnus, Magnus Bane. He’s… not like you. You’re an angel, and he’s a demon. His eyes are golden and slit like a cat. When he’s angry, his magic is red, and when he’s healing, his magic is blue. He projects this image of being open and inviting, but he hides so much of himself away. When we first got together, I thought it would take all my life to break through his defenses, but he let me in, one wall at a time, and I’ve… destroyed him not a few times.”

“That’s what love is, Alexander.” Heta replies, and Alec is reminded of Jace telling him that to love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be destroyed, Jace seems so long ago now, or so far in the future. “When you love someone, you place your heart in their hands, and you hope they can be trusted with it. Sometimes you make mistakes, and sometimes the person you trust makes mistakes, too. But, as long as you try to heal the wounds that you make, not make them worse, that’s true love.”

“I hope you’re right.” He tells her, and she smiles beatifically at him.

“Of course, I am, I’m an angel, why on earth would I lie? Tell me more.” Alec rolls his eyes and tells her about Magnus long into the night, by the morning, she’s already calling Magnus her ‘little Bane’, and crowing at Alec to tell her more stories.

_‘One day, Magnus, one day I will tell you about the sister who loved you with all her heart, even knowing she’d never meet you.’_

* * *

It is five hundred years after Alec’s unceremonious appearance in Heta’s cave when he has to say goodbye to her. They’ve both known it was coming, since her hair started to turn white, and her skin started to wrinkle, and her joints started to ache. They’ve known since Asmodeus has taken to visiting them on a frequent weekly basis. So, when it happens, it isn’t a surprise, but it is… the greatest pain Alec has ever felt, and in that moment, he hates himself for ever getting on Magnus’ case for being hesitant to throw himself full force into their relationship, not if Magnus had already known he’d feel like _this_ when Alec was gone _._ It didn't even hurt this much when Jace died. _  
_

“You breathe through the pain, little one.” Asmodeus is telling him, and it takes Alec half a minute to realize he’s stopped breathing.

“Right.” He says, when he has his breath back. “Right.” But it is hard, each breath comes with a stabbing pain through his heart, and he doesn’t want to know if it will feel like this forever, because he wants it to, to remind him to never do something as stupid as love a mortal again, but he doesn’t want it to, because he doesn’t know how long he can bear this pain.

“Just breathe, and remember that she’s somewhere better now, and one day, you will breathe without pain.” And then Asmodeus is gone, and Alec is left sitting beside her grave, his heart shattered in his chest, and his magic rippling inside of him, promising to care for him if he just lets it out. Asmodeus warned him not to give into his magic, not to give into it until he’d had training, but there’s no one to train him, and it’s so tempting.

He gives in, and it’s at least ten centuries before he manages to reign his magic back in. Ten centuries before he can breathe without the pain. Ten centuries before he can think of Heta and not want to join her in the dirt. Ten centuries that he has no clear memory of.

“One day, Magnus Bane, I will tell you all about the woman I loved and lost, and how she loved you with all her heart, even knowing she’d never meet you.” Alec promises to the wind, and then he’s gone, letting time and his feet take him wherever they will.


End file.
